My Blog

Thinking, Living and Risking

Thinking about the days of despair
Thinking about the days of hope
Thinking about the days of failure
Thinking about the days of success
Thinking about the days of broken heartedness
But Never could think of love

Living a life of acceptance
Living a life of safe choices
But is it living?

Risking a change
Risking a heart that has never won
Risking a thought of hurt

Risking to live?
Living to think?
Thinking to risk?

February 14, Valentine’s day. I received my Globe Visibility bill. My fifth bill for this plan. I was surprised to see an adjustment entry worth 16k Php for excess usage. All the while I thought I got an unlimited plan at plan 3k. It turned out (according to Globe) that there was 5GB limit. If that is the case, why was I not billed for excess usage the previous months and why they are now billing me now the excess for just the month prior my current bill? Why? As usual I went through the customer service etc. I am awaiting for a copy of the contract that I signed… so it is pointless to discuss either my stupidity of not reading what I signed or Globe’s stupidity of not reading their own.

The issue for me at this point why was I allowed to reach 16k excess when I have a 3k limit. How can Globe help me by not overspending? I should have an advisory about me going over the limit. I didn’t. If I didn’t then risk managment group of Globe should have gotten an exception report somewhere and should have disconnected me. They did not. My analysis is that they don’t have anyway to monitor my usage level to identify and mitigate risks. The fact that they have to charge the excess in next month’s bill only shows that there is some issue in the processing of this usage information. This also means that it is impossible for them to give me that info. Therefore, there is nothing in place to protect the consumer from overspending. It also means that they don’t have anything in place to protect themselves from exposing the company to risk of non payment because they allowed such things to slip their risk management process. Granted I should probably take responsibility of my usage. It can’t be denied however that their system is inadequate to handle risk management related to Globe visibility usage. This also means that they allowed a product to be sold to the market even if this is defective. I used to work for a service provider that creates applications for Globe. I know how strict their sign off process was. This type of scenaraio wouldn’t have passed in the old days. It is obvious that they came up with a product that is half baked. No controls in place. It is not even due to buggy control mechanisms. It is purely absent.

Probably the number of visiblity users are too few to consider it a risk. Well bottomline is Globe released a product without enough controls in place to protect themselves and the consumer. They can always argue that they are protected by a contract. Then again if they knew they were releasing a defective product and made sure to cover up their negligence with a contract then isn’t that fraud?

This year I find myself feeling my age.

I don’t have the stamina anymore to program all night.
I have trouble reading small text.
I can’t remember when I had a 24 inch waistline.
I get tired doing physical activity - probably I take the train to the office as oppose to walking most of Ayala.
I have poor memory - gone were the days I can remember everything that were discussed in a meeting.
I can’t write legibly - hmmm the last time I wrote legibly was when I was still a second grader - so this doesn’t count.

Feeling my age also made me realize I am complete. I may not have everything I wanted but I have more than I could hope for.

From a life of pursuit, I now pursue life.
From working for what I lack, I live for what I have.
From days of gloom to appreciation what a day may bring.
From living in the fastlane to throttling to a more meaningful pace.

Having gone through life’s challenges and tests, I realized there is that one thing that makes me who I am.
The people who learn from me. It feels good to see them successful. It feels good to have made a mark in their lives no matter how small it may be.
I would like to believe I live on through others whose lives I have touched one way or another. In the same way I hope I live up to the people who have touched mine.

Let us celebrate life!

I saw small flags of the different uaap schools affixed atop the cubicles all aligned neatly at the office. This brought back the old school spirit. Part and parcel would be "bidahan" sessions with the officemates coming from same or rival schools.

I was in a discussion with a friend that evening regarding education and schools. Somewhere in the middle of the discussion (kind of off topic), my friend said she prefers the two other rival schools (Ateneo and UP) than DLSU.

This got me thinking. I thought back on all the discussions I had before. It was kind of funny how the alumni of other rival schools would start to get too serious (or irritated) during "bidahan" sessions. As a La Sallian, I just take the things other people say in stride and just dish out "better insults" all in the name of fun.  I guess I usually end up as the surviving entity who would still be laughing at the insults. Does it make me a bad La Sallian because I didn’t become "serious" in defending my school? Well ang pikon ay talo. I never lost a "bidahan" session then.

As a student, I remember I get to complain a lot about tuition, poor facilities (although we have far superior facilities than most schools) how worthless the student council is etc. In short, I loved to complain (not to be taken out of context ) about my school. I had a lot of good times, I was active in extra curricular work, barkada gimmicks etc. I loved the course I was in. There were time I shake my head on different happenings ( atheist philosphy teacher challenging students to prove there is a God, excursion oriented courses, school chaplain at war with a student publication over "erotic" literary pieces - these are some of the most "exciting" pieces that came to mind)… TO an outsider, they sound weird but it only typifies how open and divers the university is.  Outside of occasional happenings, It was a relatively quiet school life . I was immersed in my field of study and graduated (I would say) well equipped to face the world.

Where is my school spirit? yes I attended a few basketball games. Saw a championship from the bleachers. I know about Relegio, Mores and Cultura etc. It seemed however that DLSU hasn’t incalcated to us the La Sallian ways. It seems I don’t have similar strong feelings when it comes to my school?

The other schools would really have the students believe that they are the heroes who will save the country, world and humanity. They have heroes in their ranks. I am exaggerating here of course but the my bottomline is it seems that the other schools really "mold" them to what they believe their values should be. Brainwashing is my harsh definition for this. It is not really bad if everything that is made you to believe jives with what you think and believe.

As I see myself now, I realized how valuable and successful the La Sallian education is to me. I don’t get bothered by the negative things they say about my school because I know they are not true and if they are, I take it. It always good to know how one can improve oneself. La Salle has taught me to be me. To be good in what I do. To believe in myself. Relegio, Mores and Cultura was considered too broad as a concept failing to give focus to what is meant to be a La Sallian. To an outsider, may be — but it typifies how a La Sallian should be. I believe it emphasizes our individualty. It opens up a world of possiblities. It is up to us to reach that goal. There are infinite number of ways to do good and the La Sallian values teach me to explore as many choices and decide for my own the best way to achieve it. This has trained me to do the "impossible". I would always say that the products of other schools may be able to concot impossible ideas and goals but you would need a La Sallian to make those things a reality. It will all be left at that — unachievable ideas if you left it to non-La Sallians.

I realize that I am not "sensitive" when my school is being bashed because I know they are superficial. Being a La Sallian is so inherent to me that I don’t break easily. Alumni of other schools get angry when their school is bashed because they really love their school? In my opinion no… They probably have an ideal/infallable concept of their school which they don’t probably really understand and so therefore break when tested. For me, I live my La Sallian values to a point I can’t distinguish myself from it. I am not saying I am perfect. In my imperfection, the La Sallian education has kept me strong and unwaivered. It has helped me survive, grow and live.

St. John Baptist De la Salle.,. Pray for us.
Live Jesus in our hearts… Forever.

There was a story in the news that an automated parking system was built in Manhattan (if I am not mistaken). You simply need to park your car on a platform then leave. The system will "park" your car at a vacant space in the parking bulding. I remembered proposing something similar to this more than a decade ago in one of the classes I attended in the university. We were all required to propose an idea for the future and support the idea with some implementation ideas. I am now wondering if I have caught up with my future :).

The past few days were fast and furious. I probably sampled all the food I wasn’t able to eat while I was out of the country. I also met with my different cliques (thus the overeating). I was able to touch base with a few people I worked with in the past. I had an interview and two job offers and one possible business venture. Question is: "Would any of them materialize?". I could kiss my vacation goodbye when that happens.

I also had a talk with one of the headhunters that placed me in a big company overseas. It was a good chat. The big company seems to be NOT the great company we perceived to be (at least in my opinion).

Working outside made me realize that there are far more idiots out there. I also realized how much talent we have and how more than capable we are in competing with other talents from other parts of the world. It is just sad that we are unable to build a first world country when we have world class talents. It is also sadder that we are still the modern day "slave" to our colonial "masters" when we are in fact far more superior in terms of talent. We and our younger generations have grown much wiser, intelligent and talented. The "masters"
are breeding less and less capable ones. So why do we let ourselves be treated as the lesser ones?

Learning the hard way strengthens the mind and spirit. My short stint working in a foreign land has almost come to an end. It ended abruptly with lessons learned. There’s sadness in my heart to leave new found friends but I am also proud that that I didn’t let myself down. I am glad that no matter what the odds were I still did it my way (can’t find a better phrase). I honor those who have survived and are still in the middle of the struggle. Don’t lose hope! Believe in the strength of the human spirit.

Signing out and heading home

It was a stressful week and I knew I was turning a year older. I didn’t want to get up that day. Spending your birthday far away from home with last of work in the office is not the best way to spend the day. I managed to get up eventually. I got text messages from family and messages. I thought at least the day would be ok.  The day was work work work til weekend.. it was all work spent the day in the office til 9 pm on a friday and weekend in the office. It was sure a great way to turn 35. Is it all worth it? I know I work to live and not live to work (much worse die from it without any redemming value). Contemplate contemplate contemplate. I am visiting home for the first time in a couple of months. Some soul searching will be in order when I get back to the land of 7000+ islands (low tide?)

I was at Funan this morning shopping for an external case and an HD. It took quite awhile to go through most of the shops but I guess I got a very good deal in the end.  Was it? I probably won’t know until I get to talk with somebody who bought a similar product. Does it matter? If I later realize that I didn’t get the best deal , will I sulk and regret not getting the best deal?

I believe it boils down to how happy I am with my choice. It may not be the best but if I can live with it then I have made the right choice. It seems that making choices has become a priority in life. Most of my life could be characterized by choice avoidance (new word hehe).  A trip to the barber this morning revealed grey hairs. I am used to having grey hair since high school but it seemed that the grey hair this morning mattered more. It was a sign that I should probably start taking matters to my own hands. 

I should probably start living my life to the fullest. Start making the choices I didn’t make and live with whatever choice I make.

I have always wanted to start a blog but I always thought I never had the time. It turned out I didn’t have the drive. Working away from home in a foreign land must be an incentive to start one.

I am not sure if I am homesick yet. Working in Singapore hasn’t sink in yet. I like the place. I can go out at night without fear of being mugged. The streets are clean and you can even drink from the tap (who cares the water has gone thru six kidneys it is still cleaner than back home).

I probably haven’t have time be home sick. My work day doesn’t end after office it ends after I cooked my meal washed the dishes and finished my laundry. By the time I finish everything it would be 10 and I’m ready to sleep.

I always wanted to be independent. My family thought I won’t survive. Surprisingly I am fine. I realized I know how to iron my clothes. My short “training stints” at the kitchen with my mom paid off. I had pan fried salmon on mashed potatoes for lunch. Not bad right?

What’s next? This has crossed my mind more often here than back home. Do I get a master’s degree? Do I seek for my lifetime partner (yeah right… never was and probably never will be successful with this I am like an insect repellant the ladies would shy away even before I can ask for a date)? Do I just live life?